Wednesday, March 29, 2006


so i drove my best friend patrick to the airport this morning at around 8:00am (hence the absurdly early posting time of this blog). and as i was sitting in traffic, i found myself coming to terms with the fact that i may very well be obsessed with paris hilton. well, maybe "obsessed" is too strong a word, i'm not stalking her...yet....but let's call me a "concerned party". i love her to me for five or so minutes and i'll throw a "that's hot" or a "loves it" in there...i know, i know....i'm a fucking valley girl trapped in a dumpy white guy's body.

n e way....i got to thinking, can she really be that aware? i mean, and not be so utterly horrified by what she is? let's think about my tenure as a clerk at a convenience store, i have come to realize that there are two distinct kinds of people. there are those that are actually awake, thinking humans; and then there are those that are simply vessels by which tiny concentrations of societal impulses act. in other words, robots. it's true.

most of the people that you know and interact with on a daily basis are thinking, feeling humans that worry about things like "does my breath stink?" or "should i have worn this hat?" or "what am i doing with my life?" people that actually have the lights on, or somebody behind the wheel. people that are concious of the fact that they are part of a whole, and that their actions do actually have an impact on others.

then there are people who just have no concept of this whatsoever. they barge into your life, bellowing and demanding, cutting you off in traffic (i will cut you off too, yes, but only to make a point, ask my brother about that), buying single beers and drinking them on the way home. buying their way into and out of trouble. unconciously destroying the world around them. these are people that seriously couldn't even comprehend having a deeper conversation than why the patriots will kick the broncos' asses this saturday (that was gratuitous, sorry). which is fine, and its not to say that they are idiots, its just that nobody's there. they either checked out a while ago, or they just don't care. which means they are on autopilot, and not making descisions for themselves, but like i said, just outlets for societally influenced responses to everyday situations.

which brings me back to paris hilton. because i think she is one of these people. the only major difference is that she has limelight....for now anyway, it looks like she may be on her way out for 2006....and these others just have pickup trucks and packs a butts. but the great thing about these autopilots....maybe i just coined me a phrase there....the great thing about them is that they are a perfect glimpse, a wonderful cross section of whatever portion of our society they happen to occupy. so if you treat them as such, social barometers, if you will, then they can actually be quite entertaining to watch. hence my morbid fascination with paris. she, being nothing more than preconcieved generic responses, is a great window into "high society". and the view thru that window, is that they are all fucked. loaded, but fucked. and everybody loves a trainwreck.

and then the middle classes that come into the store...they are bred consumers. the buy a six pack (maybe), they always buy a carton and ten dollars on pump three, and always buy a 1-5 dollar scratch ticket and always always ask for a plastic bag for their carton of butts. they don't need a bag, they are just conditioned to ask for one. and they may be financially okay, but that only justifies their 1-5 dollar scratch ticket donation. then they grab for the nearest chemically created snack with the most amount of packaging (always on impulse), and throw their change at me before vanishing out the door.

then there is the lower class, who are born to destruct themselves....kinda full circle from the ultra rich. they buy the dirt cigarettes, or maybe even the non-filtered ones. they buy singles for the ride home, just daring fate to pull them over and fuck them. allthough they are not aware of i said, just on autopilot, going thru the motions...........

whatever....whats the point? well the point is, have fun. observe. and if you find yourself able to comprehend the act of observing, stepping out of the great race, then count yourself lucky to be awake. and embrace it man, i think there's less and less of us every day. be concious! but not concientious......


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