Wednesday, March 29, 2006

powerball

origionally posted october 19th

well i need to go ahead and just get this off my chest now, or all im going to be able to talk to anyone about in the next week is how batshit the friggin convenience store is because of the powerball jackpot.

ok, so what is powerball? well, i'm just darn glad you asked. powerball is the combined lottery jackpot for like 22 or 24 states that draws every wednesday and staurday. you pick five numbers, plus the 'powerball' and you win cashmoneyhoes. they just recently increased the field of numbers from which you pick from 53 to 55, so it just blew the chances of anyone ever hiting the fucking thing right out the window. at 70 mph. in a school zone. anyway, they reason that this will increase the jackpots because people will hit it less. no one hits it, the jackpot rolls on to next week, the bigger it gets, the more people play, and the more money evil, corrupt fatcat politicians can skim off the top.

and boy is it working. the jackpot is now a genuine 340 million dollars. 340 million dollars. just like that. its the highest jackpot powerball has ever seen. needless to say, every asshole with a buck and a dream is out in force playing this shit, and i'm pretty sure half of them came to my store. tonight i spent four hours straight printing out powerball tickets in various combinations for people. no stopping. you kinda get this glazed, haunted look in your eyes after hour one and become less of a person, and more just a machine running a machine. no personality, just business: "hihowmanythanks. hihowmanythanks. hihowmanythanks...." sucks.

and then theres the people who want all singles. fuck them. if you are reading this and were contemplating getting your powerballs all in singles tomorrow, dont. think of the poor clerk. he may be cold and dispassionate when hes behind the powerball machine, but hes a warm-blooded human being most of the time. when you ask for 20 quick picks (machine picks em, what most people get), i can push three buttons and they will come out on four sheets, five picks to a sheet. nice, neat, organized. when you roll up to the machine and ask for 20 single quick picks, the number of buttons jumps from three total to three for each fucking pick. so the number of finger taps on that hard, hard touchscreen goes from three...to sixty. my fingertips are literally sore. im typing with my thumbs. so have a heart. get them regular.

....well, maybe thats it. oh yeah, one more thing. if your dad ever calls you on the phone and asks you if buying a convenience store is a good idea, the correct answer is "no."

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