Wednesday, March 29, 2006

the weakest gazelle

never has it been more obvious to me, as i sat watching the second sting operation in my parking lot in as many weeks, that i am in a severe position of disadvantage in the convenience store.

being that we are 1/10th of a mile over the border from mass into new hampshire, a large quotient of unsavories come to deal, and be delt with in our parking lot. they figure, "hey, the prices are better in NH than they are in mass, and if i happen to stab anyone while i'm there, well, i can be back over the border in less than twelve seconds." what they don't know is that cops are in fact pretty smart, and have learned to use the radio to communicate with other cops who can chase them past the origional jurisdiction of the crime.

so they come to me. i am the unwilling centerpiece to their scheming. i sell them gas which they pump into cars and canisters and use to get them to ex-girlfriend's houses which they light on fire. i sell them butts and beer which they use to put them in a mood where setting a fire or two sounds good. i let them use my parking lot, where they buy drugs and prostitutes that created the ex-girlfriends in the first place. and occasionally they get themselves nabbed by the cops.

i'm open every night, have been for the last three years (except for christmas). i've only seen two spectacular arrests...both in the last two weeks. what has gone on undetected, frankly frightens the shit out of me. its only a matter of time before i tell the wrong person we have a ten dollar minimum for credit or debit cards and they decide to burn down my store and peepee on the ashes.

sitting there, behind the counter, i am a humbly captive audience. i have an obligation to the people that come in to be there, behind the counter, so they can buy their butts and booze. and as a result, they know exatlcy where i'll be if they ever decide that "the fat guy must DIE!!!!11"

so i'm buying a gun. not a big one, but one that can nevertheless put holes in someone before they put holes in me. not that i'd be looking to get in a firefight, but if they came in with a knife, well i could tell them to politely "fuck off and go to hell" because i could put holes in them from a distance. or, i could riddle the escape vehicle with a few bullets if they came in with a gun too. make it easier for the cops to find them if they only have to look for the malibu with bullet holes.

anyway, keep it in mind whenever you're in a convenience store after dark: the clerk in there is definately more afraid of you than you are of them. and he doesn't mean you any harm. its not his fault that it just costs too much money to let people charge a pack of butts and a stick of gum. it's a small store, mom n' pop...have pity.

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